Jack's Internal Battle Of Minds
by Alia el Bolock
Summary: Pete proposed and know he could loose her forever. So he needs to settle this battle inside his mind before it's to late and for a soldier, this battle is the hardest of them all. Especially this soldier. So who will win?  Jack POV. Season 8


Ok so this is how I was responding internally to this scene from "Affinity". And I figure somewhere deep down Jack must have been feeling the same way. For our sake. So I decided to add parts of Jack's thoughts to the conversation, to maybe turn it a bit more to my liking, hehe. Please tell me what you think? I was thinking about continuing it this way with the breakup with Pete and Kerry up till the fishing, what do you think? Please read and review! Thank a lot!

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I am a brain. Part of a brain at least. Part of one of the most sophisticated complex brains mankind has ever known. One of the most evolved. And thus I belong to a whole that I don't fully understand myself and most of the time I don't agree with what's going on inside it… um… me.

'Why' you ask? Well, it's simple: I'm the only sane part inside that brain of ours. The only part that's not afraid to show it's feelings when it's appropriate. The only part that doesn't need to hide between sarcasm, "I have no idea" and military tough bravado. I'm the only part that has what it takes to act like any other human being. The only normal part!

But as the always, the problem is that the minority is never heard. The minority is always treated like it's the crazy part.

But not today…. Oh definitely not today!

Today, we're facing a situation… Jack's facing a situation that has his heart and brain turning in so many knots that I'm the only part able to function. So today I tell the story. Today I tell it from my point of view: honest and true. Not like these other guys! So I hope you enjoy the honesty, one never knows when I'll be able to surface again (the other guys are usually scary when they haven't been rendered inert by some stronger force).

So let's cut to the chase, here goes: Ahem, ahem….

S.G.C. SAM'S LAB. Sam is sitting looking at her laptop. Jack comes to the door intending to tease her like he'd done countless times. He'd come to her lab, expecting nothing out of the ordinary. Just some usual morning teasing with one of the faces he'd grown accustomed to be greeted with along the years.

O'NEILL: Carter.

CARTER: Sir.

O'NEILL: I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words: I need that report.

CARTER: Right! Um, I just need to, er, finish typing up my notes. (She rummages through the paperwork on the desk.) Uh, yeah, I'll have it for you first thing tomorrow.

(Jack looks at his watch.)

O'NEILL: It is tomorrow.

CARTER (looking at her own watch): Oh.

O'NEILL: I'm joking! I don't need the report!

CARTER: Well, then, why ...?

O'NEILL (interrupting): Because something's going on with you. You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble for the last couple of days and that's a red flag to me. ( 'And I missed it. I missed your techno babble. I missed the incoherent words you bombard me with. The words I don't understand but never the less enjoy.' That's what he wants to say but chicken as they are they don't let him.)

Sam sighs, then picks up a box from her desk and hands it to Jack.

CARTER: Pete gave me this.

Jack takes the box, opens it and his stomach turns upside down: Looking back at him was a diamond ring. Sam's engagement diamond ring. He feels like he wants to scream. He wants to shout at her. He wants to throw the ring and shatter it to pieces. He wants to pull her close to him and kiss her like she's never been kissed before. He wants to kill Pete. But of course he's not given room to carry out any of the things he wants. Instead he replies in his usual manner, though it's slowly killing him inside.

O'NEILL: People normally wear these on their fingers.

CARTER: I haven't said yes.

So there's hope. There's still hope you guys, I try telling them. We still have a chance. If we tell her now… if we somehow reassure her and tell her what she's waiting to hear we can still have our chance. She's giving us a chance right there. She hasn't said yes. She's asking for our opinion, do something. Please, please do something!

But of course there's no hope.

O'NEILL: And yet - you haven't said no.

He snaps the box shut.

God damn it! Why do you always have to be so arrogant. Why? I mean we all know what we're feeling here, there's no need denying it. Who are you trying to fool? Her or us?

CARTER: I told him I needed to think about it.

O'NEILL: And?

He returns the box on the desk, without taking his eyes off her. His insides are boiling up like a volcano. It'll erupt any second now. It'll erupt if she says what he fears she'll say.

CARTER: That was two weeks ago.

See! Told you. There's our chance again. She's giving us all she can you guys. Come on. Please. She obviously wants us to make a move. Why else would she be telling us this. Its now or never. Please don't let your ego and pride ruin this, too. Please, anything but this.

O'NEILL: Ah!

For crayon' out loud! Enough with the sarcasm and hidden feelings, already! Grow up! You're ruining this for all of us not only yourselves, you know.

CARTER: Y'know, all these years I've been concentrating on work - I just assumed that one day I would ...

O'NEILL: Have a life?

Oh come on! Is this the best completion for the sentence you could find? She's throwing us a bone here. She's bearing her soul and that's the best you could do? Where's this suggestiveness, you've all been always so good, at when we need it?

CARTER: Yeah!

O'NEILL: Yeah.

Come on!

CARTER: And now it comes down to it, I don't know. I mean, every time we go through the Gate, we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody else through that?

Oh come on, she's really trying to find any excuse or reason not to say yes. And the best excuse is in our hands. It only takes three words or one gesture. She's really looking for an out. She's kinda asking our permission. She care what we think. She wants to know if there'll ever be a chance for us.

O'NEILL: Pete is a cop - I think he could handle it.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I can't bear watching this any more. I can't bear standing by while you play out this noble soldier act. Oh, for cryin' out loud! Pete! Really? You mention Pete now? Why don't you tell her he's her soulmate and she'd never find anyone more suitable in the whole frigging multiverse, while we're at it?

CARTER: What about kids?

O'NEILL: What about 'em?

Pathetic.

CARTER: Do I take maternity leave and then come back? What, do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet on the edge of the Crab Nebula?

O'NEILL: Carter, there are people on this base who have families.

Please, please don't leave it just there. Please give her something. Anything. This conversation is almost over. And I'm telling you this is really our last chance. After this conversation, it'll all be done. Settled. Finito! For good!

After this conversation there's no turning back. No someday. No maybe. No nothing. She'll be gone for good. There'll never be a chance.

Please. You all know, we wouldn't be able to handle this. Even you wouldn't bear watching her walk down the aisle with another man. For better and for worse. Till DEATH do them part. This would kill us on the inside! It would totally kill us!

Sam thinks for a moment, then looks into Jack's eyes. Deeply!

This look causes all of us to melt equally; like it always does. This look sends butterflies fluttering all over our body.

Trust me what we're feeling now, all that pain rising up in our chest is nothing, compared to what we'll feel once this really sinks in. Once it's really over.

CARTER: What about you? If things had been different ...

She trails off.

Jack looks at her for a moment. We all take the chance to dive into her deep blue eyes. We all contemplate the beauty of her being. And even though one of us mentions that she means Charlie… I decide that she means, with us. With Jack and her. But all the other parts are otherwise occupied. Some are already lost in the thought of Charlie, others are lost trying to decipher what she really meant and the rest are lost trying to decide what if it had really been different with us and her. So I jump to the opportunity. I take my chance.

O'NEILL: I wouldn't be here.

They stop me. Before I can finish they stop me.

No! No please. Don't stop me. She needs to know. I need to tell her. We have to tell her, please…

But it's too late.

Jack's already turned around to leave. He turns around and they don't even realize they won't be able to turn back around again. Ever!

Oh, why?

Jack's heart is bleeding.


End file.
